This is My Rifle This is my Gun
by MikauKau
Summary: Xigbar tries to explain the complexities of his mind and guns to Vexen. Rated M For Xigbar's unique choice of words and descriptions.


This is my Rifle

This is my Rifle... This is my Gun

Xigbar and Vexen owned by Square/Disney

Laying on his stomach. On top of a tall building, hiding in the shadows. That single eye focused on a person. A human. An innocent man likely on his way to work. From work. To pick up his children…his wife…whatever. It didn't matter. Xigbar will shoot.

Because he can.

Finger at the trigger, he squints his eyes and grins. The target in focus, the rifle ready to fire.

"Bang…"

His finger tightened on the trigger… He could already see the event taking place.

Hit him. Right in the heart… He'd fall to his knees. Then onto his face. He'd fall silent…Perhaps live for a few seconds. Then die.

"Do you have a death sentence, Braig?"

…And just like that. The thrill was lost.

"You know I do." Xigbar replied, pulling his gun back and rising back to his feet. As smug as he appeared to be, he was disappointed. He wanted to shoot. He really wanted to shoot. "You know how much of a buzz kill you are, Even?"

With his arms crossed, a rare smirk on his lips, he replied. "It's what I'm here for."

Flicking his wrist, the rifle disappeared into a puff of purple and black smoke. "What are you doing here, anyway?"

"Making sure you don't dig an even deeper hole for yourself… Xaldin said you were looking a bit 'homicidal' this morning before you left for your mission."

"What do you care if I get in more trouble?"

"I don't. But…as a friend I just want to ensure you don't lose your head."

"…Do you think Xemnas would actually kill me if I push it too far?"

Vexen paused for a moment, looking towards the ground in deep thought. It was as if he was doing an analysis of Xemnas' actions and reactions to all of Xigbars pass shenanigans versus the rest of the Organizations. "…No. But still doesn't mean you should. We are trying to get out hearts back. And only that. Therefore, sniping pedestrians will not benefit our goals in the least."

"This is true." He sighed, leaning against the wall and sinking to the ground. His gloved hands came in contact with temples as he rubbed them slowly.

Vexen was never one to meddle in others affairs. Especially Xigbars, but he was already there… "Something on your mind?" He asked, though he wasn't really sure if he wanted to get involved.

"That guy getting away."

"…Getting away?" Vexen said with a small lift at the end of his question. He had a feeling he was be in for one of Xigbars 'unique' problems. It was his fault for responding…

"Try to see it the way I do…Lets say, you are in the bathroom getting off, get me so far?"

"…" Silence from Vexen. A stone cold stare at Xigbar.

" Come on. Don't act like you don't. I've seen and heard you more times than I need to. But anyway, lets say you are taking care of your business… You are so close. Right there. Then Boom. Xemnas walks in. Tells you to stop. Then ties yours hands behind your back to make sure you never do it again."

Vexen quirked an eyebrow at Xigbar scenario. He wasn't sure if this was suppose to be a kinky story or some sort of example of what he was trying to explain… "I'm afraid you've lost me."

"Getting off, Vexen. Every time I shoot these guns off it's like getting fucked 4 times in a row for me… Don't ask me why. It just is. And I like it, ok? I like it a lot."

"…Oh…Ew." Vexen wrinkled his nose at the thought. But of course. He was talking to Xigbar. "Well… Why not just… Shoot a wall. Or a heartless? Something that isn't a human being. Something that isn't what we once were."

"… Well that brings me to my next scenario."

"Oh good graces here we go…" Vexen lowered his head and rubbed his forehead irritably.

"Now, lets say you and Marly are going at it."

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"…Yea…. So as I was saying, lets say you and Marluxia are going at it. It's hot. It's sweaty. You both are close… Then Boom! Mr. Superior walks in and puts Marly in a chastity belt. No more cock. No more fun."

"Wait. I'm sorry… You've lost me..Is Marluxia the rifle or is he symbolizing the man who got away…?"

"You are missing the point Vexen… I need to kill something alive. Just like how it is more satisfying to be fucked by another and not your own hand."

"Ah…I see." He said nodding slowly. Still a bit…odd. But point well taken. "Well, if I may donate my two cents?"

"Shoot."

"You are able to make these comparisons because they are, in fact, the same 'feeling'. The same thrill, if you will… So rather than killing someone… Why not just have sex?"

Xigbar had a look of enlightenment roll across his face. OF course! It was so simple! "…Dude. That makes….So much more sense!"

"I try." Vexen bowed, with a cocky smile.

"You know… Sometimes I forget how smart you are, Even."

"And often times I forget how smart you aren't." He smiled, creating a portal. "Then I will leave you to your hunt."

"Ah…No no, now wait a minute there Frosty." Xigbar jumped back onto his feet, and swaggered over towards Vexen. "I do believe I've found a target."

"…No."

"Come on Vexen… It's nothing you've never done."

"I said no."

"Why? Your boyfriend going to come after me?"

"He's not my boyfriend!" He flailed, nearly turning blue with embarrassment.

"Your hickey's say otherwise… You two going steady? Maybe going for a milkshake and burgers after class? He give you his class ring to wear to show off to all your lady friends?"

"You know what? Fine…. I'll do it. But never say I've never done anything for you, Braig."

"… Thanks."

" Eh…." Vexen grumbled, turning back to the gunman with a false look of disgust. "Thank you's are not necessary. It's what friends do…But… Don't tell Marluxia, yes?"

"It's a deal."


End file.
